I Once Knew a Vampire named Lizzie
by Tony Stewart
Due out mid year - 2015
What a swimmer is Draculas's daughter
Though her pool is more red than it oughta
It's easy to float
But the blood stains the boat
'Cos blood is much thicker than water
(followed by evil laughter and some cool jazz)
John Zakerle
(Dinner with Drac)
(Unauthorised reprint)
The preceding limerick was taken from a 1958 U.S.A. hit single Dinner with Drac part 1 by John Zakerele which also charted in Brisbane. The record was a series of similar limericks with a cool jazz backing (on both sides of the record - PARTS 1 AND 2) and a voice to match Boris Karloff narrating. I loved that single when it first came out and I still love it now and it inspired me to create this book. Unfortunatley it is not perfect because limericks aren't as easy to create as one would think.(You will notice in the sample that the first, second and fifth line of a limerick rhyme as does the third and fourth and that ain't easy to write, I can assure you.) so I have comprimised and created the story lines in my own imitable style (a mixture of poems and limericks) and I hope you enjoy them. And because it requires so many funny monster images I will initially release it as a Draw-it-Yourself book and that should test the imagination of the budding artist.
I also found myself creating some rhyming stories that run forever, so I have placed them in Long Stories for Short People which will have a seperate release.
I once knew a vampire named lizzie is meant to be a fun book so the artists can have a ball drawing silly versions of werewolves and vampires and mummy's and things of the night to compliment the text . I have flogged a couple of illustration examples off the web and a royalty free c.d and matched them to a couple of the mini stories as an example of what you can achieve,
Have Fun
Tony Stewart
a few samples of funny things that I have written,
Sample stories, poems and other silly little things
by Tony Stewart
Boris was a strange little thing
who was both fat and thin
because his measurements and his weight
depended on what he ate
and what between his gums he decided to put within
There was a dog with long sharp teeth
who loved to dine on humpback whales
but he was so fat and lazy
all he could catch was slugs and snails
in ancient egypt many years ago
a mummy by the name of jenny
used to love eating scarab beatles
she could never get too many
she would eat them with a salad
or toasted on some bread
she ate so many one day
it made her go dizzy in the head
she never meant to eat so many bugs
it was just they tasted so very, very nice
and the day her taste buds went all crazy
she was mixing them with honey, jam and rice
now jenny wasn't very big
and she wasn't very bright
and every scarab that she swallowed
sent her mad that wild and woolly night
not only did her head spin
her tummy rumbled too
she thought that perhaps
she should go and do a poo
but she hadn't counted on crazy jimmy
her neighbour from next door
who instead of eating a dozen frogs
had eaten eighty four
now his tummy was jumping
after eating froggies by the score
and this is why he had come round
knocking at her door
he had already filled his own
but he need badly to go again
i really must use your loo, he cried
my tummy’s full of pain
though jenny need badly herself to go
she relented and let him use her loo
but eighty four frogs take up a lot of room
and soon he broke her bowl - so she could not use it too
Jenny could feel the onset of gas within her tum
but there was nothing she could do
she was full of scarab beetles
and now there was no loo
she ran around in circles
then ran out the house screaming at the moon
and that was the last time we saw jenny
but she might be back for her birthday, I hope we see her soon